Terminal Uniqueness

A few years ago, I was on a mindfulness retreat and one of the teachers talked about staying true to what you know, trusting your heart and listening to others. She said, “We are all suffering from terminal uniqueness.” We often have a sense that we’re the only one with a particular challenge and that no one understands what we’re going through. We feel isolated, we tighten, and we close.

When we feel safe enough to expose our vulnerability and are willing to share about the parts of life that tend to live in the shadows, we find connection. We open ourselves up to see that we’re not alone in our struggles. When we’re willing to take this brave step, we expand the safe space for others to do the same. The triggers for each of us are different but we can connect through the shared human experience of knowing how it feels. This connection can be life saving.

It can also be scary. It’s possible that our social and professional cohorts don’t encourage such openness. I think it’s skillful to consider your environment and remember that people tend only to be available for you as deeply as they’re available for themselves. That being said, I believe that the more we’re all willing to be vulnerable and authentic together, the less scary it will be. I think it’s safe to say that we all want our children and young adults to feel connected, accepted and safe to share their challenges without fear or shame. We can provide this space only to the degree that we’re willing to be authentic and gentle with our own human experiences.

Dharma Comics

 Pema Chodron reminds us…

“The raw, vulnerable place is where wisdom comes. Don’t shame yourself or put yourself in the ‘bad people’ category. Just feel what you feel. Be with the rawness. This is how humans feel. There is nothing wrong here.”

 xoxo